rough end drag.

I’m sorry I don’t write as much.

Life as a chef/dishwasher/toilet paper buyer and aspiring handyman is still the grind it’s been since day one and takes up so much mental energy in the lingering pandemic era of my life in the hospitality industry.

Nothing is easier (writing included) and I am still, more than ever, digging around in all of it. New love. New loss. New everything, every single day.

It feels like shedding an old skin. Like a cicada leaving its shell gripping to the bark of an old pine tree (and an old life)

Growing is painful and awkward and you start to realize the only way to get somewhere new is to leave something else behind.

What is it like to meet your soul — getting to press your finger down on the truest and most beloved you. The one that feels powerful, even in the midst of wild and often painful things, and still find your feet ready to stand up again to all these chaotic, overfilled days.

Life is surprising, though — a phrase that gets me through understanding the chaos and makes me excited at its potential!

I don’t imagine things will get easier on that end, but that’s okay. I feel most alive when I’m feeling the waves of my own actions; the goodness and love that flows through me. It is inevitable that I get stuck sometimes. Stuck in the belly of some tree, wondering which season is best for me to move.

This is a season of standing firm in myself. I have shed a lot of things that weren’t useful. I’ve surprised myself with the people I’ve come to defend, including myself. I’ve also felt the weight of giving in to the anger of others and for that I offer a million apologies.

Everything is loud. Many things still so violent and people will always be mean to one another.

So in the season of standing firm in myself I also invite the world to change me and I invite you to change me — I will always hold that hope that when I do leave this place, I will have left it better than I found it.

A few things:

Keep pouring love into yourself.
Keep fighting for justice and keep yourself open to injustice. It is okay to tie yourself up in the liberation of others. (In fact it’s necessary.)
Keep taking care of things smaller and more innocent than you are.
Eat something delicious, every single day.
Bury your face into the neck of your pet and breathe deep.

Be kind to yourself (this includes your body) — it’s the only one you got.
And maybe the important thing I’ve learned recently is to remember that you don’t have to be the person you always were — it’s maybe the best time to let your freak flag fly —

(and it’s always okay to let the rough end drag.)

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