back to love.

I wanted to write something really quickly before I headed into work today.

Your pain, and your sadness are absolutely yours. It is unique and it hurts and it finds its way into all the cracks, like discovering a cut on your hand while squeezing a lemon.

People will tell you things they think sound good, perhaps even coming from their own experience. But you also know, and you are right, that they can’t possibly understand the things you went through and how that made you feel.

What I hope to make sense out of this, is that generally we don’t want answers or silver linings. We want to be heard. We want to feel loved and we want to return love.

This is your journey back to love.

Listen to others, but more importantly, listen to yourself because remember how it was you who decided to keep choosing love and to not put your heart in that concrete box.

Getting back to love is something of a mess in itself. There’s sometimes less to say about the beginning parts of feeling ‘happy’. For me, it’s harder to write about. Especially how attachment plays a role in my own happiness. That, is for another day.

But last night, I sat with my head in my hands, and remembered so many parts of my story. I felt my wounds again. I discovered some new things. I felt those too.

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This process is not one cured by a crush or even a kiss.

How do you trust like you used to? How do you begin to love without abandon?

I’m not asking you for answers.

I’m asking for the sake of my own heart, because I know time will lend me its wisdom.

I am growing.
And changing.
And moving.

So are you.

moving towards love again.

towards trust.

towards that great reconciliation.

time is peace.

time builds up your body,
full of the things it needs to
place your feet on the ground again.

you are so important in all of this.
I cannot emphasize that enough.

and you are so, so loved.

 

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5 responses

  1. I remember when I truly realized I loved without abandon, when I made decisions to fight for the relationship with my now-husband rather than let the significant obstacles in our way turn into exit hatches. When I heard myself think “I *know* this” rather than “I want this”. I don’t know if it was age or experience or time passed or what, I just knew, and then I allowed myself to be free. My journey, no one else’s.

    Hallelujah for love.

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