sacred vessels

I never thought I’d be divorced.

This is what I said, on the eve of this past week’s summer solstice.
I said it to my buddy Kyle, whose response was basic and clear as day:

Well, no one ever does, I guess.

I was a little frustrated that I said such a thing in the first place. I think I was in a weak spot. A little buzzed on a couple of strong pints, and sweating like a sunuva-gun on a warm Mississippi night.

We were watching a bat swoop in and out of the porch light — snatching moths and various light-drunk bugs.

The crickets were loud. This feels like home. We both agree, silently.

My story has certainly changed. I am left with an abundance of free time to think. Sometimes, too much. There is the hum and rumble of my wall unit, keeping me cool as the humidity leaks through the cracks of this old building.

I think a lot about where I live. It was built in 1945, for soldiers returning home from WWII. It has these beautiful floors and the kitchen is precious and tiny. (And hot as hell in the summertime, apparently.)

I also think about the people who have lived here. Including those soldiers coming home wounded, physically and in other ways. I wonder how well they healed here. I wonder about their ghosts, and I wonder about a space designed to house people in transition. This certainly isn’t a place to settle down and start a family. It’s a bit too cramped for more than one big presence, even for a person as dramatic (albeit quiet), as me.

But what to do with this freedom?

I guess I’m having to restart that process a bit. I believe I’m young and have a lot of space to change and grow, in a few different ways. I talk to people all the time who have had at least four different professions. I suppose I have a little time to really figure it out. But not just professions. There are loads of those nagging philosophical questions and the South, is truly a different state of mind.

For the most part, I think about how I like the adult I am becoming.

cloud_vessels_01

Yeah, I wish I had those perfect things we always want in on too. I am okay, though. I don’t need much.
I had figured, long ago, that this would be my time to travel and see the world. To experience what the other worlds had to offer. Sometimes you can do that.

I got a little ahead of myself, but that’s okay too.

The ebb and flow of starting over feels okay. I think building a community takes some time, and I gots plenty of it. I still have the urge to see so much. I don’t know what our world will look like tomorrow, and especially not twenty years from now. I just know that I love this place, and its people and I want to see as much of it as I can.

I find myself looking down my hallway from where I sit and write, and see my cookbooks line familiar shelves.

I see my wine glasses, many of them used for holding more than wine. They are used for exploring depths and laughing too much and getting to those quiet moments where we raise them and look into each others’ eyes. Sacred vessels, in my opinion.

This is my constant. 

The ability to connect.
Connecting, what I miss and crave the most.

Every day I discover little secrets about who I am. Why I have chosen food and drink as my medium to explore your depths. I think often, “Well, this is no surprise at all.”

So once again, I invite you to my table.
It is tiny, but substantial and we will eat and drink and sink deeper into each others stories.

Just give me a heads up though,

so I can put on the air conditioner,
open up the wine,
make a good soundtrack,
dish out somethin’ good,

and live into the truth that we are all sacred vessels,
poured into over and over again.
intoxicating,
and full of the stuff that gets better with time.

Advertisements

5 responses

  1. Very well written and deeply felt! As one who did start over I encourage you to embrace the adventures that are ahead and don’t put limitations on yourself. Who knows what you will discover. Great blog!

  2. The thing I love is when people “piece together a life” rather than worry about having one profession, know what I mean? So many of us try to categorize ourselves into one or two things because it’s what we’re used to doing. You are breaking open in so many brilliant ways, letting the light shine on you in ways you never could have imagined. Like Ms Angelou says, “say thank you”. You are an artist with food and with words and there are a million directions you can choose to take – just don’t be afraid of the occasional belly flop as that’s what makes us all great! My neighbor said to me when I got remarried last month, “life can be really hard so make sure to celebrate all the little stuff, every good thing no matter how little it is” and I think that’s a good approach for all of us.

    Oh yeah and keep integrating your food stories and tips and recipes in here while you share your heart with us readers – it’s one of the things that makes you great!

    PS – Just discovered this blog today, you might dig as well: http://myfrenchheaven.com/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s