vanishing into forever.

I imagine at some point, I will change.

That something will switch inside my head and I will be something that I can’t see right now.
Maybe that someone will look back at my current self and say, “This is what you become!

These tattoos on my body, this whole journey of mine, my love of cooking and writing, and wondering if I’ll ever take myself seriously at either.
Right now, I’m still trying to see past the heavy fog.
Wondering if I’m ready to do things I haven’t done in a while.

I think about how I will change.
I really enjoy who I am at the moment.

Sad on the off day, but so alive the next. Ready to weep with a friend, or laugh with a new neighbor whose dogs are barking at me as I attempt to run…(again.)

I’m less looking to change, than I am to move (and not just physically). I have always been a mover, so it seems. Even when I’m not ready. Looking at myself from above, I would not consider myself to be wild. At least not in the conventional ways of hanging off a mountain with no rope. But deep inside where I am scraping the walls of deep caves and reaching high to maybe stick my hand through a cloud.

Coming to accept who you are, I feel, takes a lifetime. I’d like to say I have that part figured out, but I can certainly say, it is building stronger and stronger. It’s amazing what can change if you just stop putting a lid on things you don’t want to understand.

We are all students of this crazy, wonderful, and heartbreaking world. We all carry bits of wisdom from the life we have seen. Let others fill you up, and look at them in the eyes when they do. Truly listen to people without having something to say. You don’t have to agree with everything. Just let people be, for a change. The world is full of assholes too, and you are one of them from time to time, so when you’re not, be good to others. In fact, just try to be good as much as you can.

I was loved and hurt deeply by another. My love was given back to me, and it looked different. Not necessarily broken into bits, but in a different shape, you see?

Your love is always your love. You will give it to people and they will do with it as they please. Some take more. Some give more. It is all a wondrous exchange of ourselves. And it is endless.

Nature Photography

You are endless.

I don’t think that thing will ever happen. Where something clicks in my head and I will know who, what, and where is right.

This is a truth in all of us.

Our best bet, is to enjoy who we are,

and to leave more good here,

before we vanish into forever.

 

 

 

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4 responses

  1. Being still and letting the fog envelop us during these times, that is what I have found to be utterly challenging yet completely healing. When I divorced I moved back to my hometown after 10 years away and found a different quiet – familiar yet completely new, with a chance to start over (yet with lessons learned to take with me as I began the next chapter).

    Your voice is a gift. I’m happy to be able to read what you choose to share with the world.

  2. “Coming to accept who you are, I feel, takes a lifetime.”

    Or at least, a life-changing event. For me, that was divorce. It took a few years, but once I was able to accept who I am, I never looked back. And I’m a thousand times happier for the experience. You can – you WILL – be, too.

  3. “We are all students of this crazy, wonderful, and heartbreaking world. We all carry bits of wisdom from the life we have seen. Let others fill you up, and look at them in the eyes when they do. Truly listen to people without having something to say. You don’t have to agree with everything. Just let people be, for a change. The world is full of assholes too, and you are one of them from time to time, so when you’re not, be good to others. In fact, just try to be good as much as you can.

    I was loved and hurt deeply by another. My love was given back to me, and it looked different.”
    Well said.

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