I am still amazed at the enormity of which our lives change.
I think about the couches I have owned, the food I have consumed, the gas I have guzzled.
All of that, to get me from one place to another. It’s strange, I think to myself. All of that, for me?
I suppose so. We are all so tiny and have the great luxury to look up and see things much bigger than ourselves.
One of my favorite lyrics goes a little something like this:
“Oh but I’m so small! I can barely be seen! How can this great love be inside of me? Oh, look at your eyes, they’re small in size, but they see enormous things!”
I sort of live by this.
My boss would tell me from time to time, “It’s always good to remember how small we are…”
This was especially helpful in that great overwhelming moment when you think your surroundings are crashing in on you and everyone is there watching, helpless and pointing, mouths slightly open.
But alas, we are but tiny things floating in a sea of enormity.
Moving in and out of places with people. Working our jobs to buy food and shelter and to hopefully pay our bills. Bills, a reminder of our luxuries and burdens. Some are both, I imagine.
Let me move on.
While driving through this country, I always seem to notice the people who try to live unseen. Small cottages nestled deep into the woods. Usually, all I can think about is, “I still bet you they know who Britney Spears is…” — which to me, is a little discouraging.
I don’t really know why it is I am so intrigued by those who wish to live so small and unnoticed. Partly because I crave a bit of that life. I don’t like being looked at for the most part. I’m not crazy about attention or having the light shine on me. Every now and then, it feels good.
But these days, I’m just working on being good, and living a somewhat sustainable life. I think about all we consume, and it worries me, as it should. I ask for forgiveness for being so careless in these past months. Somedays felt like survival and I didn’t really feel like recycling or composting. I slammed a coca-cola and got a little thrill out of not having to worry about what I ate.
I feel it, though.
I know my world is tiny, but I see things much bigger. I always have.
I can’t help but to imagine where things will go and where I might place my cookbooks and pans someday. And I wonder who will benefit from all that cookin’ and lovin’.
After all, it’s the tiny things that lead to bigger things. And what’s big for me is different than the dude who scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. We’re all just moving forward with our tiny things, in hopes that we come out better on the other side.
So as I wind down this scattered blog entry, I am again thankful that I was able to extract something I’d been thinking about. I get to set it free, here. And I get to look at it from time to time and see where it was I went,
and more importantly, to see where it is I am going.