the way things go

It’s been too long, I know!

I don’t follow blogging rules very well.

Especially the kind where you update consistently and get people to follow you while making a big splash and getting a killer book deal. (Which doesn’t actually exist unless you’re Stephen King.)

But I’m gonna’ take a step back into the real world.
Since the last post, I’ve started to settle into my new job.

I am a barista again. It’s like slipping into a warm bath. This work is familiar and something I’m good at.  Low drama. Low hours. Low pay. The usual. But beggars can’t be choosers when unemployment is on the line. All decisions I made for myself, by the way.

espresso_000

I cannot whine. I’ve been given some major space to catch up. To take care of things in my home and to be there when my wife is home from school. I’ve been able to cook more — which is kinda funny given I’d spent the past seven months working around food in a kitchen. I’ve worn out my Netflix queue and try desperately not to feel worthless with these six hour work days.

I’m not kidding anyone — it’s hard to make a living like that, unless your partner is bringing in big bucks, which neither of us are. We are lucky to have small living expenses. Somewhat. Our car is sucking the life out of me and the money in our bank account. But other than that, we’re okay and that’s enough to give me lots of good rest at night.

I’m whining because it feels good. I’m in full realization that there is so much goodness in my life, but sometimes, a small breakdown does just fine.

It’s okay to break and come back around. Sort of refreshing. Like the old saying goes, “This too shall pass.”

It always does.

Writing is cheap for me. I don’t have to spend money being better at it. It’s always been a hobby I come back to and feel strong urges to pursue. I feel a lot of writers struggle with themselves as writers. I feel the same about cooking in a lot of ways.

The invisible rule of being a cook is that if you aren’t cooking in a restaurant day in and day out, you’re not really a cook. This goes for caterers and private chefs. I can totally see that.

I don’t call myself a cook because I was on the line very little, and though I know I can handle it, I can’t do that lifestyle at this point. Which, I’m coming to be okay with.

There’s a lot of ways to work and make money with food and to be happy doing it. I guess that’s what I’m working on.

I surely know what I don’t want to do and what kind of cook I don’t want to be.

I guess writing is similar because you want be to read and have people respond. In the same way you cook and know immediately if people like it or not. Words and food are the quickest way to the soul.

It’s a wonder why they go so well together.

Because I’m a words guy.

I’m also a guy who wants to feed people.

And right now, I’m figuring out what those things mean for me and the future of my craft. Who knows, this might not be the thing for me and others may see that already.

But I lie awake at night thinking about it.

It’s the way things have been going for me lately. I’m cherishing this space to learn more about myself.

And I’m glad y’all are here.

Wherever you are. Reading or eating things I put out there, because I’m not even close to being finished.

Somethins’ gonna happen.

And I can feel it movin’ all around.

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2 responses

  1. whining rules! it can be very useful, just to let yourself go and express in words all the tiny frustrations. and then you’re okay again! 🙂

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